A Birthday Party Without Drama?

What? Say it isn't so!
It's true. We finally celebrated a birthday with Princess that did not result in her having a melt down or us having to send a child home. The best part is is that this was a milestone birthday in many other ways. She turned 10 on the 10th which made it her Golden Birthday. She also turned double digits.

This year my husband and I could not agree on what we felt comfortable doing for Princess' big day. We have had many swimming parties in the past but my husband worried that there would be a majority of boys with behavior issues at our house since our daughter is currently the only girl in her Special Needs class during ESY. (Side note: Those of you with girls on the Spectrum know that this is the norm.) The possibility of someone getting hurt was not worth the risk. We compromised and let her bring store bought cupcakes to school. (Remember the cake pops fiasco?) I was told these went over well. That took care of her including her class in her celebration but we were still at a loss as to what to do for the actual party.
We finally settled on an ice cream parlor in a neighboring city. At first Princess was not happy. She told me that she didn't want to have it there because it is chaotic and they beat a drum. I let her know that since we'd be going midweek in the afternoon it would not be as crowded. I also explained to her that we'd advise the hostess that we'd prefer if they not beat the drum as loudly. I also let her know that this was the party she was having and if she didn't like it, we would not be having any other party. She finally agreed once I said I'd order a Michael Jackson cake.
  Once Princess gave me the thumbs up, we invited a few friends, I ordered the cake and picked up a few paper goods.
On the day of the party, I was a bundle of nerves. Princess was just excited. I am glad that she chose to forget that just one year ago her party was a huge disaster. I went over the top with food and decorations but only one guest could make it since we had had to postpone her party for one week due to Princess' instability. This one friend had to leave early because my daughter was becoming too aggressive with her.- But I digress. Like many moms I tried to do too much right before the party. The last thing we had to do before going to the restaurant was to pick up the cake. I was mortified when I saw it. The bakery's version of gold was puke colored. Princess didn't seem to mind so I just left it alone. On the way to the ice cream parlor everyone started calling and texting me. I just handed the phone to Princess and told her what to text back or say. She rather enjoyed being my assistant. Those who had arrived before us let the restauranteurs know how many people would be in our party but more importantly that we had children in our group who had sensory issues. Everyone was in a grand mood especially the birthday girl. She sat right in the middle of her friends and made them feel welcome. Right before the drums and the siren (Yeah I forgot about that. Lucky for me it ended up being no big deal.) were to be played, our waiter came over to tell us. We alerted the children so they could cover their ears if they wanted to. The kids ordered soda and ice cream before we cut the cake. We sang at least two renditions of some birthday song. Princess was just delighted at the whole thing. It made my heart happy.
As a side note, just one day after last year's party Princess had her worst day ever. This day led to the first of four hospitalizations in a  two month time. This is what made this year's party even more successful.
Next year's celebration may not have as good of an outcome as this year's but right now I am savoring this new memory.

Here's a picture of Princess with her friends. She's the one with the bow in her hair with her arms around ALL of her friends.

A Day of Firsts

Wow today Princess made some amazing achievements! For most NT (Neuro-typical) kids these might be no big deal but for my sensory challenged, focus challenged drama queen they are huge.
The day started out innocently enough. We were invited to a birthday party in the morning, had plans to go visit the doctor for a flu shot (Only I didn't tell Princess about this until I absolutely had to.) and were going to end the afternoon with a visit to the tdoc (therapist).
On the way to the party, the thought occurred to me that I could possibly leave Princess at the party for an hour. I had an errand to run at the pharmacy. (In case you're wondering, they do know us by name.- I'll write more about this godsend in a future post.) During a break between songs on the radio, I asked Princess what she thought about being left at the party for about an hour. She responded affirmatively. We talked about what to do if she had any problems. She knows the hostess very well and had been to several of her child's parties before. A few minutes after arriving at the party, I politely excused myself but not before making sure that someone had my cell phone number in case an emergency arose. Upon my return an hour later, I found Princess smiling and happily engaged in a friendly game of Capture the Flag. It was brought to my attention that my daughter had a mild injury while I was gone but chose to keep playing even though there were no band aids. Yippee! Score one point for attending a party without mommy or daddy there the whole time. Maybe next time, I can leave her the whole time.
Near the end of the party, I told Princess that she was going to get a flu shot today. I told her that if she did a good job that I would take her to get ice cream. In the past we have had major meltdowns over blood draws and injections. I can recall at least twice where I had to physically hold her with the assistance of 3-4 medical professionals. Today Princess asked me not to discuss the shot with her as it made her nervous. When we got to the doctor's office, my daughter did well until it was time for the actual shot. Then she covered her arms and hid her head. With a little coaxing from me she finally gave the nurse access to her arm. I encouraged her to look at me,  not the needle. That (and a lot of prayer on both our parts) seemed to do the trick. For the first time ever she did not cry while getting vaccinated. Yippee again! Score another point for bravery at the doctor's office.
After a visit to the local ice cream shop, we went to the tdoc's for her weekly visit. We finally headed home for what I thought was going to be a relaxing evening. Princess has other plans. I had reminded her that she needed to pick up all of the clothes on the floor of her bedroom before starting any new activity. Typically she will just stuff the clothes in either the hamper or back in the drawer. Not today. Today she decided to go through her clothes. A purging of sorts if you will. At the end she had more room for her new clothes from Christmas. She also folded up her clothes neatly before gently placing them in the drawers. What's pretty incredible here is that I usually sort through her clothes when she is not home because she has difficulty parting with things. We can end up witnessing a meltdown or she and I can have an argument. Either way it is not a pretty thing. The fact that Princess was willing to go through her things on her own is a huge step for her. Yippee times three for this feat!
As I reflect upon today, I am reminded that a lot of people helped make today's successes happen. I am grateful for our village whether they be doctors, therapists, friends or family. We are blessed that so many individuals are uphold our little girl in prayer as well. These accomplishments might be short lived (and that is OK). For today I am proud and grateful.


Just a side note: If my memory serves me correct, this is the first  children's party that Princess has been able to attend much less been invited to for a variety of reasons. You can read more about my thoughts on birthday parties here

Dining Out Drama

I remember when C was two and we went on a family vacation to Legoland. On the last day of our trip we decided to go to Ruby's for breakfast. C got so agitated by the noise and activity that she literally could not keep quiet. She threw what we then thought was a typical two year old tantrum. My husband and I spent our meal taking turns with C outside.

Then there was the time when Princess was 5 and we went out to eat with my MIL. Princess decided to crawl under the table numerous times but the best part was when she dunked her grandmother's roll in her coffee. Ever the gracious lady, my MIL, made the best of it but I was so embarrassed.

Over the years we learned that it was too stressful to take Princess out to eat at any sit down restaurant with wait service. We were relegated to fast food establishments or Princess's favorite, Soup Plantation, a serve yourself buffet style restaurant. 

This brings us to my husband's recent birthday dinner. My husband chose The Cheesecake Factory to dine at. I knew we would have to wait for a bit to be seated. I came fully prepared. I packed a back pack full of sticker books and an iPad to keep my daughter occupied while we waited. Since Princess gets really hungry and thirsty at a moment's notice, I even packed juice and a snack. Lucky for us we were seated in twenty minutes. Princess wanted to sit next to the birthday boy and so I obliged her. He helped her to choose what she wanted to eat. Shortly afterwards the lovely waitress took our order. Of course Princess wanted to chat it up with the lady. I tried to explain to her that the waitress had other tables to wait on but ever the gracious host, the waitress obliged Princess and talked with her a bit.

When our appetizers came, Princess took her turn and even waited for them to cool down. During this time my husband and I were trying to have a conversation. Typically Princess doesn't like it when she is not the center of attention and tries to thwart our efforts to carry on adult conversations. Not this time, our daughter kept herself entertained while we talked.

Pretty soon our meal came. Princess is a pretty picky eater so I didn't have high hopes but my husband and I told her that if she didn't eat a good meal she wouldn't get some cheesecake. Well she surprised us and ate a decent meal.

When we were done eating, we decided that the birthday boy should get his own slice of cheesecake while Princess and I shared one. In the past Princess hasn't done well with any form of sharing (toys, food etc.), but lately she has been doing much better in this area. I was still holding my breath when the cheesecake came because things can turn on a dime in our little world. Well someone else must have taken my daughter because she actually shared her cheesecake with me while her dad ate his own slice. She never even complained once about having to share with me.

What surprised me even more about this whole dining out experience, was that Princess acted like any other neurotypical  8 year old child would. She did not go under the table. She did not lie down when she was done eating. She ate her food nicely and was polite the whole time. We did not have to leave because of an embarrassing meltdown.

In the past this has not been the case at all. This goes to show that persistence pays off.
I think one of the keys for us has been that we are trying to sit as a family at the dining room table at least three times a week. This is where we practice our table manners instead of doing this in the restaurant.

Yea for mom, dad and Princess!

Here's the birthday boy with his number one fan!!