There are days lately where I think that maybe it is time to close up this blog for awhile. After all Princess is doing so well. Then there is an incident like yesterday and I realize just how much mental illness is a part of our lives. I am grateful that the Bipolar side is being controlled with meds but right now, today, we are dealing with OCD.
OCD at its worst can take over a person's life. In our case it also takes over our family's life.
Yesterday the place I thought was the most likely to feed OCD did not. Instead a place I would have never guessed did. Let me explain. As you may know Princess and I went on a mini vacation. Yesterday I decided to take her to one of the beaches in LA. This one has a carnival feel to it. Princess was a bit nervous as there was sand which has been a problem for her tactile senses in the past. We also ate at a seafood restaurant which can be an assault to her sense of smell but thankfully it did not smell fishy. Yep over all we had a pretty great time at the beach.
When it was time to leave I decided to take the scenic route which ended up taking us a lot longer to get home that I would have liked. Princess did great in the car ride by keeping herself busy with her sticker book and rockin' out to the music on the radio.
When we got closer to home, I said that I was going to a drive thru at a fast food restaurant minutes from our house. She let me know that she had to use the RR. Before we got there I asked her if she thought she could wait until we got home and she said she did. Of course while we were in line, it became clear that she was in "emergency status." I told her to jump out, use the RR fast and get back in line. Silly me I thought this would be simple as the line was long. I ignored the voice in my head that warned me that OCD was lurking. As I moved up in the car line, I prayed that my daughter would be finished by the time that I got to the drive thru window. That was not the case. The cashier even let me pull up a little since there were no cars behind me. This establishment is not like many McD’s that has a parking spot where you can wait if your food is taking extra long. At one point I got out of my car and walked to the window to ask the manager to keep an eye on my daughter. Eventually another car pulled up in the drive thru and my gig was up. I actually had to pull my car around the block, back through the alley and then park in the strip mall adjacent to the restaurant. Then I entered the restaurant where the real fun began (insert smirk here).
Once inside I noticed that there was a lady standing outside of the RR who politely but firmly informed me that she was next. I let her know that it was my daughter who was inside. She stepped aside and let me talk to my daughter through the door. I told Princess that she had to hurry up as others were now waiting but alas my words fell on deaf ears and it was another 15 minutes before she emerged. I ended up watching the men’s room while the lady who was waiting to use the women’s room went inside. I was so embarrassed. There was honestly a point where I wondered if we’d have to do something to break the door down.
When Princess finally emerged, we pretty much walked in silence to the car. On the way home, I let her know my displeasure and how her OCD impacted not only me but the restaurant patrons and employees as well. I was pretty ticked.
After we arrived home, I went straight inside after telling Princess to gather a few of her things. Here’s where things got really dicey. About ten minutes later, I realized that Princess was still not inside. So I went to our van only to find her a sobbing mess in the back seat. I coaxed her out and let her know that it would be OK. (Insert mommy guilt trip here.) A few minutes later I went to check on her in our bathroom because she was supposed to be getting some tissues to dry her eyes. I asked her what was up. She told me that she could never forgive herself. Oh the burden she must feel. She gets what she is doing is wrong but she cannot stop OCD from bossing her. As I mentioned before we do use a combination of medicine and therapy to help tame the OCD beast. I think a phone call to the doctor is in order today. Stay tuned.
* As a side note: I was finally able to get Princess mind off of the ugliness by watching "Mrs. Doubtfire" with her while cuddling with her on the couch. Maybe I'm not the worst mom in the world after all.