Bloggy Moms

Friday, November 20, 2015

To the Judgmental Lady at the Grocery Store

I know you think you were doing me a favor. I know that in your mind I am doing permanent damage to my daughter. You think that since you and your mom are not speaking to one another that it is your duty to speak up when you see something that you feel might be harming another mother/ daughter relationship. First of all I should say thanks for not thinking that I was my daughter's grandmother. I get that a lot. At least you did know that I was her mother. The rest you got all wrong though. What you don't know is that my child was doing something dangerous. She was climbing on the grocery cart as we were exiting the store. It was dark and the parking lot was busy. I was protecting her. I did not want her to get injured. Then when I tried to explain to you that my daughter has challenges, you just countered back that I needed to show more love towards my daughter. Here's what else you don't know. I have been and will continue to be the most loving and supportive mom that I can be for my daughter.

I have made many sacrifices for my child. When my daughter lost her beloved KiKi (Blankie) last week, who went back to the mall that was over 40 minutes away? Her father was the driver, but I went too. When my daughter needed me to advocate on her behalf, I not only quit my teaching job, but I researched for hours about ways to get her the help she needed.  I knew that having the diagnosis of bipolar disorder was only a part of the picture for my daughter. I asked everyone I knew until the right person pointed us in the direction of a top notch pediatric neurologist. This new diagnosis will mean that my daughter will have access to more services. Did you know that I email her teacher almost every day? Sometimes it is just to let her know that she will be trying a new food at lunch that day. "What's the big deal?", you say. I tell The Best Teacher in the Universe these things so that she can be encouraging to my daughter when I am not able to be there.
The other day my daughter came home from school and asked if I had been baking cookies because she smelled the yummy candle that I was burning. Guess what I baked her the next day? Cookies!!
You may be wondering about the hard times when my daughter and I don't see eye to eye. I get that. I worry about that too. I also work on my part in that. I show my daughter kindness and forgiveness when she does something that hurts my feelings like when she tried to claim my new blanket as her own. Sure there was a consequence, but we also talked it through. I show her unconditional love as best as I can.
Of course there are times when I make mistakes. I am quick to apologize and admit my faults to her. It's what a loving mom does.
With as many diagnoses that she has, my daughter's got a long hard road ahead of her. I know that she might not always like me, but I hope that she knows how much I love her.
In the future maybe you can keep your thoughts inside of your head. Perhaps you can see a counselor or other trusted professional so that you can figure out how to mend your relationship with your own mother.  If this relationship is beyond repair, maybe you can learn how to move on.  I know that for me I am doing what I need to do for my relationship with my daughter.

This is a picture of my daughter reading her book at the beach when I'd much rather have her enjoying the waves. Guess what? In that moment in time she wanted to read so I kept my thoughts to myself. I was just grateful that she wasn't on her electrical device like the lady in the background.

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