Spreading Awareness at the Local Mall

This is how I spread awareness at my local fancy mall store.  I changed the names of all of the people and the name of our city but not the name of the store.

Sent: Monday, August 18, 2014
To: Bridgeford Store Manager

Subject: Children's Shoe Dept. Experience


Ms. Trout,
I wanted to let you know about two incidents that happened to my 10 year old daughter and I while shopping at your store on Saturday, August 16, 2014.
The first incident occurred as we were exiting the second floor elevators. My daughter was struggling to break a plastic tag from some hand sanitizer that she had purchased elsewhere a few hours previously. Gabby, who is cc'd in this email, noticed what was happening and told her to come with her so that she could cut the tag off. I followed closely behind as most moms would. What happened next was remarkable but not for a store like yours where we know you strive for excellent customer service. The department that Gabby took us to was Individualist. My daughter, Princess, wanted Gabby to try out her new hand sanitizer. Gabby agreed to try it and declared it to be the best smelling hand sanitizer ever. Then my daughter shared it with the rest of the salesladies in that department. Two things really stood out about our encounter there: 1) Not one lady turned her down. They all oohed and ahhed along with my daughter. 2) I do not shop in that department and my daughter is not old enough to but that didn't seem to matter. It was about Nordstrom customers getting the Nordstrom experience.
Before I share the next incident I wanted to share a little something about my daughter. No one can tell this because it may not seem so glaringly obvious but my daughter suffers from multiple disabilities. The three most prominent ones are Bipolar Disorder, ADHD and PDD-NOS, a mild form of Autism. Last year at this time she had four hospital stays at several area behavioral hospitals. I am happy to report that we have seen incredible stability in her since October. She still has her moments though when things become overwhelming.
After getting some lunch and trying on shoes at another store in the mall, we returned to Nordstrom to purchase shoes there for my daughter. She had asked to return to Nordstrom because, "We always find the shoes I like there." Luckily for us the children's shoe department was not as busy as it had been a few hours previously. An older lady with blond hair greeted us. She had helped us on a few occasions prior to this. She'd always been super patient with my daughter who gets easily distracted and has sensory issues which can make finding the perfect pair of comfy shoes a challenge. She could see that we were still looking so she said that she'd be back to check on us in a few minutes. When we finally chose a few pairs to try on, she was still in the back. Another young saleslady wearing a black fedora hat, came over to us and asked us if she could help us. I informed her that we were looking for the blond lady but she said it would be OK if she helped us. Well it wasn't. Shortly after my daughter started to try on the shoes, the blond saleslady came out. She came right over to me and said something like, "I thought I was going to help you. I just went in the back for a few minutes." As you can imagine I was perplexed as to how to handle this tricky situation. Since my daughter was so far having no issues and I did not want to cause a scene, we just carried on. Truthfully I almost left your store right then. I did not like being put in the position that I was in. The only reason why I did not was because Princess seemed to be doing well and appeared unaware of the whole situation. After Princess decided on a pair of shoes, we paid for them and headed straight to your customer service department to speak to someone about this.
Imagine my surprise and delight when Gabby was paged and arrived within a few minutes. During our entire encounter a few hours previous she never once told us that she was the acting store manager. It was not important to her. She just wanted to help us out. Well I told her what about what you have just read here. She apologized for my unpleasant experience. She said that I should not have been put in the middle of that situation. She informed me that she would let children's shoe department manager know about the incident.
One thing that Gabby and I chatted about was that when my daughter and I had gone to another shoe store before coming back to Nordstrom, the salespeople there were not concerned with commission. It was about customer service. If my daughter had liked the way a pair of their shoes had felt, we would have purchased from them. After my experience at your store on Saturday, I'll be hesitant to try again but I will because I know that everyone has an off day.
I have been a loyal customer for years. I remember when the Bridgeford Mall was built and I used to ride my bike to it as a young teenager. I am hopeful that you'll hire more people like Gabby and foster all the things that she is doing right and less of what we experienced in the children's shoe department.
I may be reached at the above email address if needed. Thank you for your time and attention to this matter.
Regards,
Mrs. Princess Momma

This was the response I received no freebies or discounts but an apology nonetheless.

August 19, 2014

Good Afternoon Mrs. Princess Momma,

How awful your experience was. First, I want to extend my most sincere apologies to you. We failed miserably in not treating you with the customer service you expect and deserve while you were in our Kid's Shoes department, an experience that should be fun and welcoming from the very beginning to the end.  I offer no excuses as to why my sales associates treated you in such a manner and please know, I take this very seriously and will meet with each member working that day.  This is not acceptable and is not how we wish for anyone's experience to be while shopping in our store. For this to happen, again, I am very sorry.

I do feel very thankful for your encounter with Gabby Cool, our Jewelry Manager and Acting Store Manager.  I am happy to hear that she was able to give you and your daughter the experience you deserve while being in our store. While we would not expect anything less from any of our managers at Nordstrom, it is nice to hear the level of appreciation from you.  To further learn of the sentimental value how it made your daughter feels makes her act of genuine kindness all the more exceptional.  I will recognize Gabby for her efforts. She is certainly a shining example of what we stand for and we will recognize and thank her for her continued customer service.

Again, thank you for taking the time to share your entire experience with us. While I cannot change the experience you had, I will ensure this does not happen in the future.  You could have just as easily not brought his to our attention and I would never know. Thank you for caring enough to share with me so that I can correct these behaviors.

Again, my sincere apologies to you.  My manager of Kid's Shoes is copied on this communication. I would like her to follow up with you as well in the next few days.

Sincerely,

Katy Trout
Store Manager
Nordstrom
Bridgeford

 A side note-One of the main reasons we stayed is that Princess was oblivious to much of what happened. She was having a fabulous day and was super cooperative. Had we left the store without the shoes, it may have been tricky to get her to come back.  I realized a few days later that she didn’t even ask for the traditional balloon that this department hands out. Maybe she did notice I was a bit stressed and chose not to ask for it.

Side note 2- I chose to tell the manager about my daughter’s dx’s to show her and her staff that my child had hidden disabilities. They need to be aware of these so that they know the impact their store can potentially have on my daughter and I. Perhaps they’ll recognize the subtle signs and give a little extra TLC and patience to them. 
I'll post an update if I hear back from the Kids' Shoe manager. 

My Knight in Shining Armor Rides a Bicycle Some Days

We still have our rough days but thankfully they are not nearly as bad as they were last year at this time.  I've also got a knight in shining armor err flip flops who rescues his damsels when they are in distress.
It went down something like this. Princess' BFF was going to come over for a playdate but before she did, she called me to see if it was OK for her to bring her new bike so that she could show it to Princess. Then they could ride bikes together at our local neighborhood park. I of course agreed to it because I thought it'd be fun and besides Princess is still a little shaky on her bike and could use the practice.
When the BFF arrived, I sat the girls down and told them the game plan for the day. Then I let them play rock, paper, scissors to decide what they were going to do first. Jewel, the BFF, of course wanted to go bike riding but Princess had been wanting to go in the pool all day. I could have given Princess what she wanted in the first place and probably saved myself a lot of headache, but I want her to know the world does not revolve around her. You already know who won the game of chance,  Jewel. So that meant that Princess had to put on some clothes over her swim suit and put on her tennies. Silly me thought I'd just use the bathroom while Princess was getting ready. Wrong! In three minutes time,  Jewel had gotten bored and gone into the garage to check on her bike. Princess left her room to check on  Jewel. They ended up getting in a little tiff because Princess told  Jewel she shouldn't be in the garage unless I was there. Jewel told Princess that she should be getting dressed. I quickly finished my business with lightening speed and came out to see what the ruckus was. I sent Princess to her room and Jewel to the Family Room so that I could talk to each girl privately. Princess told her version of the story while she looked for her missing shoe which was under the dog's bed. Then I went in to talk with Jewel. She told me that Princess had threatened to be aggressive with her. Grr! Old habits are hard to break. I was just about to take Jewel home since obviously this playdate was a bust when Princess asked for another chance. For her part she did finish getting ready pretty quickly and she did apologize.
So we left to go to the park for just a little bit as the sun already starting to get low in the horizon. The girls did well at the park even though Princess got frustrated with her bike after only a short while.
While we were there, the ice cream truck came by so the girls wanted a treat but I had not brought any money with me. Then just as we were leaving the park who should arrive on his bike wearing flip flops, no helmet but with money in his pocket but my husband. He'd heard the ice cream truck and came like a knight in shining armor on his noble steed to save the damsels in distress. Of course by this time the truck of deliciousness had left. Being the valiant knight that he is, he took off into the sunset looking for the truck while the girls and I made our way back to the castle. Patience won the day and the girls got their ice cream but Princess was not happy because I would not let her get the one she wanted. She had gotten it a few times before and it had just gone to waste. She chose another equally delicious treat but she was upset that she didn't get her first choice. She stomped off into the house and into her room. She was in tears, wretched ugly tears. I told her that since she was so upset, it was best that I took her friend home. She amazingly pulled it together so that we could all go swimming.
Right before we were going to go swimming, I was trying to figure out how I was going to make dinner since I could not watch the girls swim while I cooked. Usually my husband BBQ's something on these days but he was working on a project for a class he is taking. I didn't have to worry long because my knight once again came to the rescue. He said he'd go pick up a pizza while we swam.
Swimming went remarkably well. Pizza went even better. Princess got out a lot sooner that Jewel and I so she went in to watch TV while she ate her dinner.
After I got out, I helped the girls to keep moving along in changing out of suits, hanging up towels- you get the picture. Princess had just about fallen asleep in front of the TV before she changed into her night gown so it really should have come as no surprise when my knight appeared with my daughter's wet swim suit declaring that he'd been asked to rinse it out right before our little one crashed on her bed. I guess she knows about his knightly prowess as well.
These are the days when I am so glad that I am not doing this parenting gig alone since my husband stayed home with Princess while I took the BFF home.
Yes we had our bumps Saturday but Princess rebounded rather quickly so I didn't have to end the playdate early. For that I am grateful. I am also thankful for my knight who rescued his damsels not once but three times no make that four.

Oh But She Seems So Normal

When I hear the above statement, sometimes it angers me but other times it makes me happy because it means that Princess is so stable that others don't see anything wrong. Sometimes I want to shout and scream about all of the unspeakable things my family has had to endure. Society wants a cure for cancer. I want a cure for mental illness.
Lest anyone think that I am exaggerating about my daughter's problems, I'm going to give you a glimpse into a day into our life.
July 21, 2013 did not start out like any other day. It was like many other days that summer. From almost the minute Princess woke up, she was ornery and uncooperative. Her birthday party had been the day before. She was still upset that only one person came to her party. Early on my husband and I decided to stay home from church because we sensed that things would go south rather quickly.
Around 11:00 I had to call the county's crisis line to ask someone to come out to evaluate Princess as she was becoming hostile, angry and aggressive. Shortly before this she had been chasing after me and attacking me with her stick pony. Anyone who says to just pull it out of her hands has no idea how strong a child fueled with anger and  adrenaline can get. I once had a police officer tell me that we just needed to spank Princess and she'd be fine.
Anyway back to the story. The crisis counselor told me that she'd have someone call us back. They knew us well because we were having a lot of problems with Princess. They had just closed the file on our case because they couldn't fix it in three weeks. One of their specialists had made the statment that our house was chaotic and that we let Princess "rule the roost." Again merely a parenting issue.
Sorry I keep getting side tracked but this is important history to  understand what happened next.
The head psychiatrist who oversaw our whole county's mental health crisis line called me back to say that they would not be coming out to our house that day. I said, " What if I get a black eye or a broken arm?" He replied that they still would not come out.
 Unfortunately some medicine that I had given Princess to calm her down was very short acting so it wore off after only a couple of hours.
During this time I had been texting some friends and family asking for prayer. They were people who I knew we could count on. One of them asked if she and her husband could come over to see us to give us a breather and offer support. After some discussion, my husband and I decided to agree to letting them come over. 
About 30 minutes later Clarice and Richard came over. Clarice had brought a  birthday present for Princess. Princess and I  oohed and ahhed over it while the guys were outside taking a breather on our back patio. Princess became agitated because she wanted to show Clarice the new doll she had just gotten for her birthday but Clarice and I were talking so she had to wait. For the first time ever, she attacked someone other than my husband or I. Clarice was left with scratches on her arms.  Princess got distracted by the swing outside and asked to go play on it. I agreed and all three of us went outside. Princess was only on the swing a few minutes before she left our property and started running barefoot down the street. I was certain she was headed for her friends house a few blocks away. I tried calling the child's mother while Clarice went looking for our husbands.
Before I knew it the friend's mother was calling me as I was calling her. She called me very concerned because Princess was hiding under a bed  and had made some alarming statements.
My husband got in our car hoping to get her and put her in it because he knew she would not willingly walk back with him.  After Princess refused to get in our car,  I had no other choice but to call the police even if I didn't think they could help us.
Twenty minutes later the police had still not arrived and by this time Princess had run off again. We really were not sure where she went.
I called the police again and was told that they were busy with other calls. Finally they arrived after my second call. By this time Princess was now back on our street but was in different neighbor's house hiding under the bed in the master bedroom.
Our neighbor, Jim and his wife, Betty came outside to talk to us. About the time the police finally arrived, Princess was on the move again. She moved into the neighbor's tent trailer so that is where the police officer talked with her. When he came over to the front yard where we were all gathered, he said that Princess recognized there was a problem and agreed to go to the ER.
Princess wanted to ride with Clarice and I so the guys took our car and followed us. By this time we were starving and Princess had fallen asleep in the back seat so we grabbed some fast food and proceeded to the ER. Once we got to the ER, Princess was an angel. This is how many ER's see kids like mine. Then they are assessed and sent home again. What the doctors don't realize is that children are rapid cyclers so it would just be a matter of time before she would rage again.
After triage, we were sent to a holding room in the ER and sent our dear friends on their way. Previously when Princess had been in the ER it was party time with TV and ice cream. What kid wouldn't want to show their best side in that situation? This time I told Princess there would be no TV. This set her off. Before I knew it lots of ER staff were in the room trying to subdue my child. It was not a pretty sight. Well after that the staff were pretty much on our side. They told us that since they had witnessed a full bown rage for themselves that they would advocate for us with the crisis team assessor who would make the call whether or not to admit her to a behavioral hospital. I was still not convinced since we had been at the ER  four times in the last month and had been sent home all four times. This time when the evaluator came, she read the reports,  and saw my daughter had been subdued, she decided not to interview my daughter as had been their previous practice. She felt there was enough evidence to admit her. Now the difficult task was finding a bed for her. If they were unable to find her a bed, she'd have to stay in the ER for up to three days until one was found.  Even though we live in surburbia, there are only 13 beds available for kids my daughter's age. After many phone calls and hours later, we were told that a bed had been found almost an hour away in another county. By the time we got my daughter checked in it was 6 a.m. the next day. My husband and I were exhausted.
I wish I could tell you that after that hospital stay, they found the right medications to bring her to stability. What happened instead was that, she had three more hospital stays over the next two months. She would be in a hospital for a week to ten days, come home for a few days, become unsafe again and have to be admitted again. Thankfully, my daughter's psychiatrist is forward thinking and wanted  Princess to try the new wonder drug but this wasn't until October.
In mid October we began to see a beautiful child emerge. We knew she was there all along but the fog of mental illness was clouding her.
This summer Princess has had two major successful events. She had an awesome birthday party and a fantastic time at VBS (Think Sunday School Summer Camp for a week.) She's also doing pretty normal things like going to the beach and a baseball game.
We may not be going on any fabulous vacation any time soon but I'll take what we have over the trips to  behavioral hospitals anytime.
I know all to well that Princess' current medicine regimen could stop working at any given moment. I am also aware the teen years are coming. They bring additional challenges to kids with mental illness because their hormones get out of sorts which in turn affects the balance in brain chemistry. For today I choose to not look to far into the future. For today I choose to focus on all of the blessings that stability brings into our lives.
The next time someone says that my child is typical, I just may thank them for that compliment but in my heart, I know how hard all of us have worked to get Princess to that point.
*Please note: All of the names mentioned here are fictitious but the people and events are not.

A Birthday Party Without Drama?

What? Say it isn't so!
It's true. We finally celebrated a birthday with Princess that did not result in her having a melt down or us having to send a child home. The best part is is that this was a milestone birthday in many other ways. She turned 10 on the 10th which made it her Golden Birthday. She also turned double digits.

This year my husband and I could not agree on what we felt comfortable doing for Princess' big day. We have had many swimming parties in the past but my husband worried that there would be a majority of boys with behavior issues at our house since our daughter is currently the only girl in her Special Needs class during ESY. (Side note: Those of you with girls on the Spectrum know that this is the norm.) The possibility of someone getting hurt was not worth the risk. We compromised and let her bring store bought cupcakes to school. (Remember the cake pops fiasco?) I was told these went over well. That took care of her including her class in her celebration but we were still at a loss as to what to do for the actual party.
We finally settled on an ice cream parlor in a neighboring city. At first Princess was not happy. She told me that she didn't want to have it there because it is chaotic and they beat a drum. I let her know that since we'd be going midweek in the afternoon it would not be as crowded. I also explained to her that we'd advise the hostess that we'd prefer if they not beat the drum as loudly. I also let her know that this was the party she was having and if she didn't like it, we would not be having any other party. She finally agreed once I said I'd order a Michael Jackson cake.
  Once Princess gave me the thumbs up, we invited a few friends, I ordered the cake and picked up a few paper goods.
On the day of the party, I was a bundle of nerves. Princess was just excited. I am glad that she chose to forget that just one year ago her party was a huge disaster. I went over the top with food and decorations but only one guest could make it since we had had to postpone her party for one week due to Princess' instability. This one friend had to leave early because my daughter was becoming too aggressive with her.- But I digress. Like many moms I tried to do too much right before the party. The last thing we had to do before going to the restaurant was to pick up the cake. I was mortified when I saw it. The bakery's version of gold was puke colored. Princess didn't seem to mind so I just left it alone. On the way to the ice cream parlor everyone started calling and texting me. I just handed the phone to Princess and told her what to text back or say. She rather enjoyed being my assistant. Those who had arrived before us let the restauranteurs know how many people would be in our party but more importantly that we had children in our group who had sensory issues. Everyone was in a grand mood especially the birthday girl. She sat right in the middle of her friends and made them feel welcome. Right before the drums and the siren (Yeah I forgot about that. Lucky for me it ended up being no big deal.) were to be played, our waiter came over to tell us. We alerted the children so they could cover their ears if they wanted to. The kids ordered soda and ice cream before we cut the cake. We sang at least two renditions of some birthday song. Princess was just delighted at the whole thing. It made my heart happy.
As a side note, just one day after last year's party Princess had her worst day ever. This day led to the first of four hospitalizations in a  two month time. This is what made this year's party even more successful.
Next year's celebration may not have as good of an outcome as this year's but right now I am savoring this new memory.

Here's a picture of Princess with her friends. She's the one with the bow in her hair with her arms around ALL of her friends.

Best. Playdate. Ever!

I know we are celebrating Independence Day in America but I'm celebrating the Best. Playdate. Ever.
Yesterday's playdate exceeded any expectaions I ever had for these sort of things. Here's how it all went down.
A few months ago I met the acquaintance of a local mom online. She and I met a few weeks ago for conversation and some Starbucks. (In case you're wondering, I am currently obsessed with Iced Oprah Chais.) At this visit I met one of her six adorable children. She and I seemed to hit it off well so we agreed upon a playdate to be determined at another time. I was so impressed by this mom, Kim (not her real name nor will any of the other names I'll be using in this post). She seemed so easy going and not at all like a mom of 6 children. I told her all about Princess and her quirks and needs but she did not seem taken aback. She was quite the opposite. She was curious and eager about meeting my little gem.
A couple of weeks later, I contacted her about setting up said playdate. She was so gracious and asked me to choose a place that Princess would feel comfortable at. She even asked me if I would prefer if she only bring her three girls and have her oldest boy watch her other sons at home. I loved her idea of not overwhelming Princess with too many kids at once, so I agreed with it. I chose Chuckee Cheese's for this meet up since it is contained and air conditioned.
On the way there I front-loaded Princess with my expectations. I asked her what she was going to do if she got frustrated. She said she would take a "Cool out" or remove herself from the situation. I also encouraged her to play with all of the girls not just the youngest as I know she likes playing with the younger set since they are mostly followers. We talked about how good behavior would look and sound. She brought up that there would be no negativity from her either. She and I discussed this as well. We role played what lip smacking and eye rolling looked like. Then I explained that there would be consequences for those actions. I felt that she completely understood what was needed to have a successful playdate.
When we arrived this cute blonde child asked me if we were here for a playdate. It turns out that she had asked her mom to show her a picture of Princess and I so she could be on the look out for us. I was impressed from the beginning. Then Faith, the social butterfly, escorted us to meet her mom and her other two sisters. I had already met the youngest, Hailey, at Starbucks and she was just a precious as I remembered. The oldest of the sisters was Ingrid, but they called her Ginnie for short. All three girls were just as charming as could be.
I gave Princess some tokens while Kim and I figured out what we'd order. The girls skipped off once Princess had her tokens so she could join them in the game area.
Again Kim and I chatted freely about many things while the kids played nicely. They checked in from time to time then came and ate when the pizza was ready.
Princess is an odd bird because she usually likes to sit on one side of a booth all by herself since she needs a lot of personal space. Not yesterday. She squeezed herself in on the same bench where two of the girls were already sitting.  When I noticed Princess pushing Hailey, I encouraged her to go to the other bench where Faith was sitting. Princess decided to make the best of it and stayed where she was.
Princess shared pizza and tokens like it was no big deal. I was so proud of her.
After all of the pizza was eaten and the tokens were used up, the girls played in the indoor playground. During this time, Princess got injured on her shin. She walked up to me to show me and informed me that she needed ice and a band aid. Like any mother of a drama queen would, I pointed to the counter and told her to ask for those items from the cashier. My daughter is not shy at all so she hobbled over there to inquire about these items. Surprisingly she only used the ice a few minutes then declared she was cured before returning to play with her new friends.
When it was time to leave, there was no kicking or screaming by any of the children or their mothers. As we were going to our cars, the social butterfly declared that she wanted another playdate with Princess next week.
In the past playdates lasted no longer than two hours and usually resulted in me leaving with a crying, raging or screaming child. Normally when Princess gets the tiniest scrape it is like the world is about to end. We typically don't have a playdate with more than one child at a time because it overwhelms my daughter.
Later last night while we were swimming in our pool, I asked Princess to rate the playdate on a scale of 1-10. She gave it an 11.
There were many factors that contributed to yesterday's success. One of them was her new medication that I cannot say enough good things about. Another one is her school has been giving her so many social skills. Her private therapist works with her as well on many issues. I believe that front loading Princess before we even arrived was an important piece. My new friend's willingness and attitude helped immeasurably. She probably has no idea what a big deal yesterday was for my daughter. My child walked away from that experience with her self confidence boosted 1000%.
For all of you moms out there who have children without Special Needs who teach your child to be accepting of others with Special Needs, I just want to say thanks for spreading acceptance in your own little way.
As an end note: I cannot wait to meet Kim's three sons who are, I am sure just as wonderful, as their mom and sisters.

Children Aren't the Only Bullies

I was going to title this post "The Real Reason I Left Teaching" but decided that the above title would catch more people's eyes. This is a post that I have been mulling over for about a week now. My blog is about my daughter and how I navigate the rough waters with her. Today's blog post is about me this time. Let's face it, how I deal with difficulties in my life will in one way or another affect my daughter.

I feel in some respects that I have been living a lie. I don't like liars  nor do I condone lying but I do think that sometimes we lie to protect ourselves and others.  For about two years now I have been dealing with  Post Traumatic Stress Disorder aka PTSD brought on by my administrator at the school I taught at. Most people equate this disability with war time vets. Here's Merriam Webster's definition: "a mental condition that can affect a person who has had a very shocking or difficult experience (such as fighting in a war) and that is usually characterized by depression, anxiety, etc." That definition fits me to a T. Since I am no longer in the situation that caused my PTSD, I am not currently suffering from the effects of it.  At one time I was on medication and I went to counseling for over a year for it.

In today's society we hear about preventing bully. Teaching our children to speak up. Helping the bully. We think we know the outcomes of bullying if we leave it alone. There is one bully that society is ignoring. It is the bully boss. In the state of California we do not have any anti bully laws against employers. Most people subscribe to the the idea that if you don't like your job or your boss, just get a new job. That is easier said than done. In my case I tried for two years to get transferred to another school within my district, however, I was not successful.

I also sought legal advice from no less than three attorneys. At the time they told me that I could not claim harassment since all of the attacks were related to my job performance not sexual, religious or race related.

For a long time I thought if I was just stronger, if I just held on a little longer, if I just tried harder, I would get my bully to stop. I did everything that she asked of me.  Finally, I confronted her. I told her what she was doing was wrong. I enlisted the help of my union but they were not much help. I filed a grievance stating that what she was doing was unfair and unethical. I thought maybe that would get her to back down. Nope none of that worked.

About a year and a half into the ordeal, things really escalated to the point where I was having panic attacks, having trouble sleeping  and losing my hair. At that point I took a stress leave in hopes of getting a transfer to another school. The HR person in my district felt that all of the responsibility lay on my shoulders. He gave me permission to transfer but he did not help me find a position. So after six months away from that hell hole, I returned. I really wanted it to work but my site administrator wanted me gone. She did everything in her power to see that I failed. After only being back one month, I went out again. Three weeks later my daughter had her first hospital stay at a behavioral hospital.

At that time it became clear that I my daughter needed me more than my career did. The funny thing was was that my husband had been telling me for over a year that I should just quit my job since it was causing me so much stress. It wasn't until my daughter's crisis that I realized that he was right all along.

I am happy to say that I have found a new career in educational advocacy. I am using my vast teaching experience and my experience as the parent of a Special Needs child to help other parents get their children help. God used something awful in my life to change the direction of my career.

I write this not only to clear my conscience and my emotions but also as a way of saying that bully bosses do exist. They are more of a problem than society wants to admit.

It Had to be Her Decision

As I write this Taffy the Wonder Dog (Not her real name), is directly underfoot. She likes to hang out  wherever we are but it must be her choice, her decision. She made that very clear to us but one family member in particular had a tough time understanding this. You've probably already guessed that that someone is Princess.
From the minute we brought TWD home after we adopted her, she started showing her allegiance to certain family members. At first it was my husband who always gives her treats and likes to throw the ball around with her. I'd never had the privilege of owning an indoor dog so I was a little slower to catch on to what TWD needs and wants. After awhile, I learned that she likes to hear me use a baby voice with her. She likes to sit next to me when I am sitting on the couch. But most of all she likes to sleep in our bed. She's been known to find a warm spot to lie on when we get up too.
For the longest time Princess wanted TWD to love her as much as she loved TWD. It was painful to watch really.
We had this nighttime ritual that TWD tolerated but she learned quickly how to keep everyone happy. When it was time to tuck Princess in, the hubs would go get TWD and bring her into Princess' room. After Prayers, Princess wanted us to shut the door so that TWD would stay with her. After many months, TWD realized that it was much easier of she just hung out in my daughter's room while she got ready for bed. Then as soon as she knew Princess was asleep, she'd scratch to be let out. One day the hubs and I told Princess that the door needed to be open whenever TWD was in her room so that she could be free to come and go as she pleased. Another thing that happened, was that Princess let the dog sleep on her bedroom floor instead of making her sleep in the bed with her. She learned too that when she was reading her books, TWD would stick around longer if she read aloud to her.
The past two nights I witnessed a miracle. Friday night TWD stayed in Princess room until midnight when she took her spot in her bed on our bed. Then last night she stayed with Princess the entire night!!
This morning it was so cute! As Princess was watching the remainder of a Barbie movie, TWD was right next to her on the couch that is a rare sight. Princess used a loving tone with her when TWD went out to play her Tom and Jerry game with the neighborhood squirrel.
Little by little we showed Princess what TWD needed and responded to. Like we do with TWD we used a loving voice to guide her.
Here's hoping to more victories as this relationship progresses but for now Princess is learning that it must be TWD's decision.