A Tribute to My Daughter's Therapist

In April of 2010 my husband and I were at a loss as to what to do to help our daughter. Upon the advice of the school psychologist we started researching a family counselor. The therapist we eventually chose was referred to us by a pastor from our church.

From the moment we walked into Miss R's office we immediately knew we were in the right place. She talked to our daughter privately while my husband and I filled out some paperwork, one of which was the Connor's Rating Scale, a survey that measures the likelihood of a child having ADHD. As we left that first meeting, we scheduled a follow up appointment with just my husband and I.

For a long time after the first initial sessions, our therapist became a cog in the wheel for us. She had been down this path many times before. She knew what we needed to do, who we needed to talk to, what books to read etc. She even had the names and numbers of references, one of which ended up being our daughter's wonderful psychiatrist whom we also are very thankful for.

Miss R was very frank with us from the very beginning.  She never sugar coated what we were dealing with. We were told, "Your daughter has severe ADHD. I also think she may have Bipolar Disorder based on your family history of mental illness." We were in shock and disbelief but not without hope.

At one of our first visits, she told us that she wanted to see our daughter on a weekly basis but she also knew that my husband and I needed support in how to parent her. So we agreed to see her on a weekly basis as well.

In addition to being an MFT, Miss R is a registered play therapist. This means that Princess is able to receive counseling through play. Miss R became someone who Princess looks forward to seeing every week. There were a number of times that I thought we'd be asked not to come back the following week due to Princess’ outbursts and meltdowns but every week we were still welcomed into her office with open arms and a smile.

This "Feelings Doctor", as Princess calls her, truly has a gift. I get the sense that she feels this is her calling in life.

When Princess was at her most unstable points, I could call Miss R and expect a return call in sometimes as little as twenty minutes. She gave us advice in many crisis situations.

It's hard to believe that we've been with Miss R for over 4 1/2 years now. The time has just flown by. We know how rare it is to find such a competent and caring therapist let alone one from the very beginning. It was important to my husband and I that Princess really like her therapist otherwise it would be a struggle to get her to attend her weekly sessions. There have only been one or two times out of the many, many appointments that Princess did not want to see Miss R. I can't help to think that God had His hand in choosing this special lady. I know that my family is grateful to have this professional in our lives.

By the way- Her initial gut feeling that our daughter had Bipolar Disorder has been confirmed by a number of medical doctors.

Trick-or-Treating in a Strange Neighborhood

Back in 2012 when Princess was in a day treatment  center 100 miles from home, we were stuck with a unique problem: How to handle Halloween?
Traditionally we'd always gone to Princess' grandma's house. She likes to make spaghetti, garlic bread and salad. I once asked her why she always made spaghetti for Halloween. She told me that it was just the easiest thing to make for her kids and grandkids to come and go as they pleased on this special night.  After we trick-or-treated in her neighborhood, she'd load us up with popcorn balls, caramel apples and giant chocolate chip cookies she called monster cookies. Yep I hit the jackpot when I married my husband.
Up until Princess was eight years old this was the only Halloween she had ever known. Even though our family wanted to stick with tradition, Princess was not ready to go that far away from her behavior hospital so we were forced to figure something else out. My husband and I decided to take Princess out to dinner at her favorite restaurant, Soup Plantation, a soup and salad buffet. I had previously looked up where some local malls were and what time they had special activities for that evening.  I had everything planned out to a T. Or so I thought.
When October 31st arrived, we ran into one snafu after another. First unbeknownst to me, the behavior hospital had a parade. Then they let the kids trick-or-treat a little. Princess was upset with me because she didn't have her Pocahontas costume. Her dad was bringing it down later. At the time, he was living at our house during the weekdays and coming down during the weekends. He was coaching and was needed closer to home. I held down the fort at a hotel we'd found. It worked for us for six weeks but boy was I happy when it was time to come home. But I digress.
After Princess' program ended for the day, my husband and I picked her up. Then we went to find a Soup Plantation. Thank God for Yelp. We just put in the name of the restaurant and Boom! we were give several different options. That was a little snafuish as well since we didn't know our way around town but we eventually found one that worked for us.
Princess ate her fill then got dressed in her costume. I have no shame. I let her get dressed in the restaurant restroom. We were not near our hotel room so it would not have been convenient to go there. Once everything was in it's place, we were ready to roll. Except the shopping centers that had festivities were not close by. We arrived at one mall just as they were shutting things down. This wasn't even late but I wasn't in charge so I had no say in the matter. Finally my husband just started driving around aimlessly. We had no idea what to do or where to go. I'm not sure who suggested it but we decided to look for a safe neighborhood, park the car and go door to door with Princess. I mean no one would know right? It worked like magic especially since I have the politest and most outgoing child on the planet. We'd walk up, she'd ring the doorbell, a friendly person would open the door, Princess would say the obligatory, "Trick-or-treat",  & candy would be deposited in her  grocery bag that we'd picked up somewhere along the way. The icing on the cake was that these random people would get a compliment from my child in addition to her thank you. It was a win-win situation for everyone. When we'd gone to most houses in a neighborhood, we'd get in the car and drive to another one. We really made some darn good lemonade that night. It was surreal but it worked. Princess was satisfied as were we.
So as you open your door to costumed children who you don't recognize, keep in mind they may be out of their comfort zone. They may be in your neighborhood for reasons you'd never guess.
Treat all of your doorbell ringers with kindness and love. They may need it more than you'll ever know.

This is a picture of my Jedi Warrior Princess when she was seven.

Oh But She Seems So Normal

When I hear the above statement, sometimes it angers me but other times it makes me happy because it means that Princess is so stable that others don't see anything wrong. Sometimes I want to shout and scream about all of the unspeakable things my family has had to endure. Society wants a cure for cancer. I want a cure for mental illness.
Lest anyone think that I am exaggerating about my daughter's problems, I'm going to give you a glimpse into a day into our life.
July 21, 2013 did not start out like any other day. It was like many other days that summer. From almost the minute Princess woke up, she was ornery and uncooperative. Her birthday party had been the day before. She was still upset that only one person came to her party. Early on my husband and I decided to stay home from church because we sensed that things would go south rather quickly.
Around 11:00 I had to call the county's crisis line to ask someone to come out to evaluate Princess as she was becoming hostile, angry and aggressive. Shortly before this she had been chasing after me and attacking me with her stick pony. Anyone who says to just pull it out of her hands has no idea how strong a child fueled with anger and  adrenaline can get. I once had a police officer tell me that we just needed to spank Princess and she'd be fine.
Anyway back to the story. The crisis counselor told me that she'd have someone call us back. They knew us well because we were having a lot of problems with Princess. They had just closed the file on our case because they couldn't fix it in three weeks. One of their specialists had made the statment that our house was chaotic and that we let Princess "rule the roost." Again merely a parenting issue.
Sorry I keep getting side tracked but this is important history to  understand what happened next.
The head psychiatrist who oversaw our whole county's mental health crisis line called me back to say that they would not be coming out to our house that day. I said, " What if I get a black eye or a broken arm?" He replied that they still would not come out.
 Unfortunately some medicine that I had given Princess to calm her down was very short acting so it wore off after only a couple of hours.
During this time I had been texting some friends and family asking for prayer. They were people who I knew we could count on. One of them asked if she and her husband could come over to see us to give us a breather and offer support. After some discussion, my husband and I decided to agree to letting them come over. 
About 30 minutes later Clarice and Richard came over. Clarice had brought a  birthday present for Princess. Princess and I  oohed and ahhed over it while the guys were outside taking a breather on our back patio. Princess became agitated because she wanted to show Clarice the new doll she had just gotten for her birthday but Clarice and I were talking so she had to wait. For the first time ever, she attacked someone other than my husband or I. Clarice was left with scratches on her arms.  Princess got distracted by the swing outside and asked to go play on it. I agreed and all three of us went outside. Princess was only on the swing a few minutes before she left our property and started running barefoot down the street. I was certain she was headed for her friends house a few blocks away. I tried calling the child's mother while Clarice went looking for our husbands.
Before I knew it the friend's mother was calling me as I was calling her. She called me very concerned because Princess was hiding under a bed  and had made some alarming statements.
My husband got in our car hoping to get her and put her in it because he knew she would not willingly walk back with him.  After Princess refused to get in our car,  I had no other choice but to call the police even if I didn't think they could help us.
Twenty minutes later the police had still not arrived and by this time Princess had run off again. We really were not sure where she went.
I called the police again and was told that they were busy with other calls. Finally they arrived after my second call. By this time Princess was now back on our street but was in different neighbor's house hiding under the bed in the master bedroom.
Our neighbor, Jim and his wife, Betty came outside to talk to us. About the time the police finally arrived, Princess was on the move again. She moved into the neighbor's tent trailer so that is where the police officer talked with her. When he came over to the front yard where we were all gathered, he said that Princess recognized there was a problem and agreed to go to the ER.
Princess wanted to ride with Clarice and I so the guys took our car and followed us. By this time we were starving and Princess had fallen asleep in the back seat so we grabbed some fast food and proceeded to the ER. Once we got to the ER, Princess was an angel. This is how many ER's see kids like mine. Then they are assessed and sent home again. What the doctors don't realize is that children are rapid cyclers so it would just be a matter of time before she would rage again.
After triage, we were sent to a holding room in the ER and sent our dear friends on their way. Previously when Princess had been in the ER it was party time with TV and ice cream. What kid wouldn't want to show their best side in that situation? This time I told Princess there would be no TV. This set her off. Before I knew it lots of ER staff were in the room trying to subdue my child. It was not a pretty sight. Well after that the staff were pretty much on our side. They told us that since they had witnessed a full bown rage for themselves that they would advocate for us with the crisis team assessor who would make the call whether or not to admit her to a behavioral hospital. I was still not convinced since we had been at the ER  four times in the last month and had been sent home all four times. This time when the evaluator came, she read the reports,  and saw my daughter had been subdued, she decided not to interview my daughter as had been their previous practice. She felt there was enough evidence to admit her. Now the difficult task was finding a bed for her. If they were unable to find her a bed, she'd have to stay in the ER for up to three days until one was found.  Even though we live in surburbia, there are only 13 beds available for kids my daughter's age. After many phone calls and hours later, we were told that a bed had been found almost an hour away in another county. By the time we got my daughter checked in it was 6 a.m. the next day. My husband and I were exhausted.
I wish I could tell you that after that hospital stay, they found the right medications to bring her to stability. What happened instead was that, she had three more hospital stays over the next two months. She would be in a hospital for a week to ten days, come home for a few days, become unsafe again and have to be admitted again. Thankfully, my daughter's psychiatrist is forward thinking and wanted  Princess to try the new wonder drug but this wasn't until October.
In mid October we began to see a beautiful child emerge. We knew she was there all along but the fog of mental illness was clouding her.
This summer Princess has had two major successful events. She had an awesome birthday party and a fantastic time at VBS (Think Sunday School Summer Camp for a week.) She's also doing pretty normal things like going to the beach and a baseball game.
We may not be going on any fabulous vacation any time soon but I'll take what we have over the trips to  behavioral hospitals anytime.
I know all to well that Princess' current medicine regimen could stop working at any given moment. I am also aware the teen years are coming. They bring additional challenges to kids with mental illness because their hormones get out of sorts which in turn affects the balance in brain chemistry. For today I choose to not look to far into the future. For today I choose to focus on all of the blessings that stability brings into our lives.
The next time someone says that my child is typical, I just may thank them for that compliment but in my heart, I know how hard all of us have worked to get Princess to that point.
*Please note: All of the names mentioned here are fictitious but the people and events are not.

A Reason for Hope

I have wanted to share all of our good news but wasn't sure how to go about it but finally am taking the plunge. Please know this is my experience. All children are different and respond to psych meds differently but since my daughter has done so amazingly well on this new medication. I felt compelled to share about it with you.
I've blogged in the past a little about out journey so far. You can read more about it here .
In December of 2012 we started our first of many new normals but Princess was stable. Unfortunately the medication that made her stable also made her crave food especially carbs. She ballooned up to over 100 lbs by May of 2013. Her pdoc weaned her off of that med with the hopes of starting a new med soon. Well becasue of an insurance snafu we did not get to start my daughter on a new medication  So last summer Princess was in and out of medical facilities over the course of two months trying to get her meds just right. She would get discharged and be home a few days then would end up having to go right back because she would become so unsafe.  Some  parents with children like mine have coined the term "Street and Treat." That was very true for us. For a while I felt like I was living in the movie "Groundhog Day."  My husband and I were seriously considering a Residential Treatment Center because things had gotten so bad.
In September we were finally able to get Princess in a therapeutic day school that the public school agreed to pay for but she  was still very sick.
In October when we were at our wit's end, our pdoc suggested we try this new med she had heard about at a conference that she recently attended. She said that it had been used to control behaviors in kids like mine. It had been used for a long time in Parkinson's patients but just recently in kids. With nothing to lose I agreed to try it. I was scared to death that this was not going to work and we would eventually end up having to place my child  in an RTC in a few months. Well lo and behold it was the wonder drug.
I cannot begin to tell you what a difference this drug, Amantadine, has made in my daughter's life! She is like a different child. She can attend and focus. She her acts of aggression are considerably less frequent and shorter. Her executive functioning has improved dramatically. Her SPD issues are almost non existent. The change in my child is so dramatic that I cannot believe it is the same child. It is like her behaviors were getting in the way of us being able to see who she truly is inside.
Even when she was stable in 2012, she was nothing like what we are seeing now. Her teachers are noticing as well. I can honestly say that I am enjoying spending time with my child. I no longer dread when the next rage is coming.
Two additional benefits are that we have decreased her other meds significantly and she has lost all of the weight she put on. We were able to go off of one med and are dereasing another. It is the pdoc's hope that eventually Princess will only need to be on one or two meds in addition to Amantadine.
I'll end this by saying that if any of what I am saying sounds intriguing to you, I encourage you to ask your child's doctor  about considering Amantadine for your child. I'm posting some links to some studies/ research about Amantadine if you are interested. Here's one. Here's another. The second link has the information about 1/2 to 2/3's of the way down the page. The facility is a highly respected residential treatment center in Texas.
We had almost lost all hope. We are beginning to dream again.
Never give up!