Bloggy Moms

Monday, February 24, 2014

Sometimes Mom Can't Fix Everything

Recently I wrote about my  mended relationship with Princess. You can read about it here, if you missed it. Today Princess learned that not all relationships can be mended. It was a tough and painful lesson.

For the last few months Princess has asked me to set up a play date with her really good friend. She does not attend school with this friend nor do they attend the same church. So she has not seen her on a regular  basis since they were both in the same class in second grade. This child really clicked with my daughter. I envisioned them being life long pals but alas that may not be  the case.

They are not in the same place they once were. Her friend moved away for a bit. Both Princess and her have left the school that they first met at. Then there's that little incident over the summer that has really kept them apart.

When Princess was really struggling last summer, there was an incident with this child, her family and my daughter that did not end well. It was one of those things you wish that you could have a do over for. Unfortunately it happened and there is still fall out from it to this day.

When Princess asked me to set up the play date with this friend, I did not expect it would be as hard as it was for her to move on. I have called, texted, stopped by,  and sent a private message on Facebook to the child's mother. I let her know that we are sorry for the unfortunate incident and that Princess is doing much better now. When I stopped by the house, the mom seemed like she was genuinely happy that I stopped by. She assured me that her daughter would be coming over for a play date soon. All of these contacts were made in the last two-three months.

I told Princess that the difficult part of her challenges are that she may lose friends over them. Not everyone is able to move on and forgive. It is what it is.

Today on the way to the todc (therapist) for Princess's weekly session, she again asked about a play date with this friend. I told her again that I had reached out to her friend's mom but that nothing had come of it.

Once we got to the todoc's office, I informed Princess that I was going to go in the session with her for a bit. Once in the room, I explained the situation to the tdoc. I told her that I needed her help in explaining to Princess that this friendship might be lost.

We talked with Princess about it for a bit. Then the waterworks started.  I think she used up about half of the tdoc's Kleenex. The tdoc said, "If your tears could talk, what would they say?" Princess replied, "I'm just afraid she won't want to be my friend any more." Then later on she said that she probably scared them and they might be afraid something like that would happen again.

I consoled my daughter through her grief. I felt helpless knowing there wasn't much I could do or say to make the situation better. This was one of those times that I just offered up a hug and a shoulder to cry on. I even told her that I was sorry that I could not make it all better. Oy those boo boos when she was a toddler were a piece of cake to fix compared to this.

Then the tdoc suggested that Princess write a letter of apology to this friend. She told her that she may never hear from her friend again but she was doing the right thing by apologizing. Once we got home from the appointment, Princess watched a short TV show to relax her. Now she is working on her letter without any reminders from me.

One thing I did express to Princess was that since the incident last Summer, she has changed so much. Her father and I are proud of her.

It is rough being a mom. I hope we don't have many more days like this but I know that when we do, we will tackle them with God's help and with our Village of support.

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